On Wednesday, something miraculous happened - I started to feel better. After weeks of living in survival mode and being miserable 24/7, something kicked in and I got happy. Secretly, I think it had more to do with the cloud of all the chemicals in the pill being lifted, since I went off it as soon as the ex and I broke up. But also, I began to have hope. That morning I woke up in the same bad, hopeless mood I had been in on Tuesday, the same day I last posted, but I went to lunch with one of my co-worker friends and exchanged a few emails with the guy I mentioned earlier that I had gone out on a date with a year ago (we'll call him J) and things started looking up. I could listen to music again. I didn't feel like bursting into tears at my desk. It was good.
The high from Wednesday has worn off little by little as the days have gone by, but I'm still feeling significantly better than I have since everything happened. Yesterday I spent the day with my parents and did some computer shopping, which is a story in itself that might have to wait for another post. Spending so much time with them lately has been nicer than I thought it would be. They seem really happy to have me "back". Then today, J and I met up for lunch. All week I had high hopes for this lunch but I'm not quite sure how to evaluate how it went. I don't know if it was a date, and frankly I don't know if I wanted it to be one or not. We met early, had lunch with lots of conversation and then went our separate ways. The whole thing was less than an hour. Now, on the one hand, there's no way I'm ready for a relationship again right now. Not at all. On the other hand, it was kind of tempting to think about a guy in a somewhat romantic way again. I'm conflicted, but in a way, relieved that I wasn't forced to make any decisions about the situation today.
The ex (who will now be known as "P") and I haven't talked since our big blowup after the breakup. I'm hoping we can maybe have a quick chat this week, just so we can start establishing our friendship. I've moved on to the point where I'm not holding out hope of getting back together and I just want to break the ice on the friendship thing so I don't have to freak out about it anymore.
So the moral of the story is, I've finally begun the process of moving on. Where I'm moving to, however, is still to be determined.