Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Up and down then back again

Sorry it's been so long since my last update! Last week was quite busy, and I must say, exciting. Early in the week I had started to get down again, thinking about P and all the drama surrounding him and that whole time period. He and I had sworn to stay friends during the breakup and after our post-breakup email exchanges/fights we decided that after a month or so had gone by, we would try to start talking, casually and online. It's been about 6 weeks now so last week I decided to send him a quick and very casual IM. He never responded. A few hours later he sent an email saying he was sorry he missed my IM and we'd catch up some other time. Now, my reaction to this was that he just didn't want to talk to me so he pretended he wasn't on. His status shows him as online when I sent the IM and for a while after, at least until I signed off to go to bed. This happened last Monday, so it's been a week and a half and I've heard nothing from him. I'm contemplating trying again tonight, but I know there's a good chance I could regret that later, depending on how it goes. I would just let it go and wait, but I know that if we ever want to be friends, this is something we have to do eventually and I'm really really anxious to just break that ice so I can stop thinking about it. Basically, I want to get that first conversation over with.

Tuesday night my yoga class got canceled because of the election and I stayed up to watch the results come in. I was pretty excited by the outcome and the whole event was a great diversion for the night. Wednesday though, I was still in a funk so at around 4 while I was still at work, I sent a text to J asking if he felt like doing dinner that night. It was totally random and we hadn't talked for days so I didn't think he'd say yes, but he did! That's about when my mood started to turn around because I knew I had that to look forward to that night. In the back of my mind though, I was wondering if that would be the night we'd have "the talk" and end things (maybe I'm just paranoid, but I had (and still have) no idea where I stand with him). Luckily that didn't happen. Not only did it not happen but after we finished our dinner, he walked me to my car and asked me out again for that Friday and then he gave me a great big kiss right in the middle of the parking lot. Uh-huh, mood 100% turned around.

The next day I was all day-dreamy, thinking about J, and our kiss the night before and the possibilities of the date on Friday (he had asked me to a movie). Also that day, I had scheduled a dinner with an old old high school friend who I hadn't seen in almost 10 years. We were set to meet up in the city and I was a little nervous about getting there and back because, ok I'll admit it, I really suck at directions. I spent half of my downtime at work that day daydreaming and half studying maps. I did end up getting ridiculously lost on the way there (and back), but I think I did okay for myself lol. The dinner itself was awesome and it was great to reconnect.

I'll save the rest of the weekend for another post later tonight and maybe by then I will have attempted my next contact with P and will have stories about that - good or bad (I'm almost sure they won't be good - but it needs to be done!).

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