Up and down then back again - Part 2

Friday at work was absolutely crazy, though it didn't start off that way. Up until lunch, there wasn't a single thing to do, which gave me plenty of time to think about the possibilities of what might be happening that night. I went home for lunch that day so I could clean up a little and relax. When i came back, I immediately had to go help someone with a project they were working on and then things started breaking left and right. It was one emergency after another all the way until 6. When I got home, J and I chatted about our plans for that night and decided to see Body of Lies at 7:45. All of our dates so far have been driven to in separate cars and that night was no different. I was worried about parking so I left a little earlier than I had to. We got in line together and started chatting about our days and when we got to the ticket counter, I reached for my purse and for the very first time... he offered to pay! All of our other dates have been split 50-50, so I took this as a good sign. We didn't really have much more time than that to talk since the movie started right up. It had to have been at least halfway to 3/4 through the movie before he started making a move. We've only been on one other movie date together and there were no moves during that movie either, so I was actually sort of surprised this time around that anything actually happened. He reached over and put his hand on my leg and then grabbed my hand, which was really sweet. That's all that happened there and then as he was walking to my car again, we made out a little in the parking lot again.

Saturday I spent the day at my parents house cooking and eating and just generally hanging out and Sunday was a low-key catchup kind of day. After 4 days in a row of social events, I was actually happy to have one of those. Unfortunately now, the cycle seems to have started over again and I'm feeling down once more. It probably has something to do with the fact that I haven't had much going on this week and that always gives me too much time to think about you know who.

Also, I've been thinking a lot about that friend who defriended me after the breakup and I've been wanting to write him a letter to try to make things better between us. Basically I want to explain my side of things and why certain things happened the way they did and just apologize for the wrongs done on my side. Now, he was just as responsible for all the bad stuff that went down between us, but I'm taking responsibility for my stuff. I started drafting the letter yesterday during my lunch break but I have a lot of revisions to make. I need to make sure this doesn't come across in any way that might make things worse. I don't honestly think he will want to come back and be friends with me again, but I'm hoping that by doing this, I'll get all these bad feelings off my chest and maybe he'll at least think less badly of me.

Oh, and P was not online tonight - I found out from his facebook status that he wouldn't be home tonight. So the conversation is postponed yet again. I'm actually sort of relieved.

Up and down then back again

Sorry it's been so long since my last update! Last week was quite busy, and I must say, exciting. Early in the week I had started to get down again, thinking about P and all the drama surrounding him and that whole time period. He and I had sworn to stay friends during the breakup and after our post-breakup email exchanges/fights we decided that after a month or so had gone by, we would try to start talking, casually and online. It's been about 6 weeks now so last week I decided to send him a quick and very casual IM. He never responded. A few hours later he sent an email saying he was sorry he missed my IM and we'd catch up some other time. Now, my reaction to this was that he just didn't want to talk to me so he pretended he wasn't on. His status shows him as online when I sent the IM and for a while after, at least until I signed off to go to bed. This happened last Monday, so it's been a week and a half and I've heard nothing from him. I'm contemplating trying again tonight, but I know there's a good chance I could regret that later, depending on how it goes. I would just let it go and wait, but I know that if we ever want to be friends, this is something we have to do eventually and I'm really really anxious to just break that ice so I can stop thinking about it. Basically, I want to get that first conversation over with.

Tuesday night my yoga class got canceled because of the election and I stayed up to watch the results come in. I was pretty excited by the outcome and the whole event was a great diversion for the night. Wednesday though, I was still in a funk so at around 4 while I was still at work, I sent a text to J asking if he felt like doing dinner that night. It was totally random and we hadn't talked for days so I didn't think he'd say yes, but he did! That's about when my mood started to turn around because I knew I had that to look forward to that night. In the back of my mind though, I was wondering if that would be the night we'd have "the talk" and end things (maybe I'm just paranoid, but I had (and still have) no idea where I stand with him). Luckily that didn't happen. Not only did it not happen but after we finished our dinner, he walked me to my car and asked me out again for that Friday and then he gave me a great big kiss right in the middle of the parking lot. Uh-huh, mood 100% turned around.

The next day I was all day-dreamy, thinking about J, and our kiss the night before and the possibilities of the date on Friday (he had asked me to a movie). Also that day, I had scheduled a dinner with an old old high school friend who I hadn't seen in almost 10 years. We were set to meet up in the city and I was a little nervous about getting there and back because, ok I'll admit it, I really suck at directions. I spent half of my downtime at work that day daydreaming and half studying maps. I did end up getting ridiculously lost on the way there (and back), but I think I did okay for myself lol. The dinner itself was awesome and it was great to reconnect.

I'll save the rest of the weekend for another post later tonight and maybe by then I will have attempted my next contact with P and will have stories about that - good or bad (I'm almost sure they won't be good - but it needs to be done!).

quiety descending into winter

This has been the quietest weekend I've had in recent memory. But in some ways it was nice. On Friday night I got to really sleep, which again, I haven't done for EVER. I think i got around 12 hours in total and I was completely shocked when I woke up Saturday morning and saw that it was noon. Saturday, my only real activity was to go food shopping which was very productive. I spent $75 since I had a lot to stock up on, but $50 of it was essentially free because I used a gift check that I've been holding on to for months. Then as I was checking out, the cashier boy decided to flirt with me a little, which was funny because he couldn't have been older than 16 or 17, but also flattering because I can use all the positive reinformcement I can get these days.

Sunday I was anticipating to be another quiet day, but around 1, my mother called saying she and my dad were in the neighborhood and they wanted to know if I wanted a little company. So, they came by and we had a little bit of lunch together and my mother helped me do some deep-cleaning on the kitchen and bathroom while my father napped.

This week I'm hoping will be a little more eventful than the last. I've got an email in to my old old high school friend (and crush) - we've been trying to make plans for weeks and weeks now and I'm dying to hang out with him again. I'll probably send another email to that guy who got electrocuted the last time we tried to hang out to see if he wants to reschedule for this week too.

And it has been COLD here for the past few weeks. Like, winter cold. For instance, right now it's in the low 30s and at least 2 days last week I woke up to full-blown ice covering my windshields. Winter is not supposed to come this early... especially not when we know we have 6 more months until spring decides to emerge. We totally got gypped out of fall!

New templates and new thoughts

As you've probably noticed (if you've ever visited before), I decided to change up the template. Of course, doing this the free way, my options are quite limited but I think I'm pretty happy with this new choice. The old one felt too squished and like there wasn't enough room for my actual posts.

This week has been pretty low-key on the social front. Or at least it's felt that way. Monday I saw J. again and Tuesday was my yoga class. But now there's a seemingly endless stretch of nothing and it's been kind of getting me down. J. and I are pretty much on the same page about what we're doing so I'm not upset at all about him (the only reason I would be anyway is because we haven't talked since Monday). It's more just the state of my life right now. My social circle has fallen apart, as I documented in a few of my earlier posts and my best girl friend has been MIA for the past year since she moved in with her boyfriend. She wasn't even there for me when everything was falling apart. Basically, I need to find some new friends and while I'm doing okay with getting out and catching up with people I haven't seen in a while, I'm still not in a comfortable place.

I didn't think I was still so unsettled by all of that drama, but last night I ended up staying up past 2:30 thinking about it. Luckily I had my netflixed Desperate Housewives disc to watch, which helped distract me, but I think I really have a lot of unresolved feelings about everything. Like for instance, all the mean, infuriating and unfair things P said to me during our breakup (and the fights that preceded it), or how my friend N. said equally unfair and hurtful things to me when he defriended me. OR how that girl friend, K., has been completely unhelpful and cold. Basically all of people (excluding my family) that were important to me during the past year are no longer there. It's been a hard few months, so I guess I can't be surprised when every now and then it catches up with me and I have a bad night.

Anyway, now that I've got that out of my system and on paper, maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight. Luckily I've got both Saturday and Sunday to catch up on that this weekend. It's time to re-focus on the good.

Recap

So last night was the big date with J. and I have to say, it went pretty well. We met up at a Mexican place nearby and had some good dinner and conversation. By the time we were ready to pay the bill, he asked me if I wanted to go get some coffee. From there we went to Barnes and Noble (in our separate cars) and we sat there and talked for another hour or so. The conversation could have been a little better - there were definitely a decent amount of awkward pauses and every time, he would kind of stare at me, studying me, which was kind of weird. A couple of times I swear I caught him checking out my cleavage, though the top I was wearing definitely didn't show much. Overall though, he was super nice and I liked the way things were going. When we finished up our coffee, he proposed seeing a movie and I agreed. This time we took one car (his) because the movie theater was pretty close by. We had no idea what we were going to see, so we just saw the one movie that was available at the time we arrived which turned out to be The Secret Life of Bees. I was sure he was going to make a move on me while we were sitting there in the dark, but nope. Nothing. By the time the movie got out, it was late and quite cold outside.

And this is when things got interesting. Right after I got in the car and shut the door, he leaned in and we kissed. He put his hand on my leg right away and I put my hand over his to make sure it didn't go anywhere it was supposed to ;) It was very nice. During the first bit of kissing he stopped for a second to ask if I had had a good time and then we went right back. We kissed and separated about 3 times and for most of it, he had his eyes open, which I'm not used to. Anyway, this was probably about 5 - 10 minutes at most and then he drove me back to my car and asked me if I wanted to get together to watch a movie at his place the next day (that would be today). I agreed. Then we kissed a little more and I got out and thus, the night ended.

I was up until about 2am kind of reliving the whole night and thinking about things, which was unfortunate because I had to wake up at 7:30 this morning to take my car in to the shop. I was so exhausted that I had to cancel on J for today, which is good and bad. Bad, obviously because I REALLY wanted to have a little more fun with him, but good because I'm trying not to get ahead of myself. Who knows what might happen when we're alone together at one of our apartments. But, regardless, I'm really hoping we'll reschedule soon :)

The next round of dating

I woke up this morning feeling a little "off" but nothing I didn't attribute to it being Monday morning and not having gotten enough sleep. But as the day wore on, I started to feel worse and worse. My nose wouldn't stop running and my throat started to hurt. Then I realized that it was the week before Halloween and resigned myself to the fact that yes, I was getting sick. It seems that every year, for at least the past 4 years or so, I've gotten a cold right at this exact time of year and it looks like 2008 will be no exception.

One reason this kind of sucks is because I have a date on Friday. A REAL date, unlike that fake lunch date thing I went on with J a few weeks ago. This date will be with J also, but I have the feeling it's going to be much different. This will technically be our third date, but that's only if you want to get very technical. Our first date was over a year ago, our second was the ever-so-brief lunch encounter I just mentioned. J and I ended up IM'ing a little bit last night (he initiated contact) and he officially did the asking out. We're going to dinner after work on Friday, so it's a night date which is a plus, and also our relationship and situations are a little bit more established than they were before.

Last year when we went out, we had a pretty great time. It was during my match.com dating phase so it was our first time meeting face to face. We arranged to meet at barnes and noble for coffee and we stayed there for a few hours chatting. Then he asked if I wanted to get dinner and proposed going into Boston to find a nice place to eat. So we did and we had a LONG drive both to and from the restaurant due to the always enjoyable Boston traffic but it gave us time to talk. On the way home he started making some moves on me. Actually it started as soon as we left the restaurant as we held hands all the way back to the car. During the drive, he had his hand on my knee. When we finally arrive back at the Barnes and Noble parking lot so I could get my car, he parked and we began to say goodnight. And then he kissed me, and it was not just a quick goodnight kiss - we made out for a good minute there in his car. When I finally pulled away, he asked me if I wanted to go anywhere (presumably back to one of our apartments to "continue"), but I told him I had to get back.

I would have gone out with him again back then, but shortly thereafter, P came into my life and well, what a long story that one is. I'll save it for a future post. But based on that date with J, I know that he's not shy about the physical stuff and this could be both good and bad. Good because I would not be opposed to a little making out on Friday. Maybe even more than a little. But I don't want to do any more than that. Overall I'm just really excited about going on the date and seeing what happens :)

BUT... this cold better not stand in the way of my potential making out on Friday, that's all I have to say.

The best laid plans

Tonight I was supposed to be meeting up with an old friend for dinner. This friend is quite an old friend, as we went to elementary school together. I haven't seen him since the summer after my freshman year of college when the two of us briefly worked together. A few weeks back I sent him a random facebook message saying something along the lines of "hey, it's been forever! let's get together to catch up". So we made plans.

Last night I sent a quick email to him to make sure we were still on for tonight and I started to get a little worried when he didn't write back. So I found his cell number through his facebook page and sent him a text message before I was about to head out to the restaurant tonight. Apparently, he wouldn't be able to make it because he was IN THE HOSPITAL. He got ELECTROCUTED at work today and they were afraid his heart was going to stop. We texted back and forth a few times and last I heard, he was still waiting to find out how it was all going to turn out. I hope he's okay!

Aside from that almost-adventure, a few days ago I decided to take the plunge and email J to see what was up with him. In case you've forgotten about him, this was the guy I had gone on one date with last year who I contacted after my breakup - we met for lunch one afternoon 2 weeks ago and I hadn't heard from him since. My email was quite casual, just asking him about his weekend, etc. He wrote back two days later apologizing for the lack of communication and I finally got the story. He had just broken up with someone right before he and I got together a few weeks ago and he was hesitant to jump right back in with someone. At the end of his email he brought up getting together again. So now we're making some plans and I'm excited. I would be more concerned about the fact that he hadn't mentioned that and the lack of communication, but I'm sort of going into this as casual as possible. I'm not looking necessarily for anything serious.

I'm meeting up with another friend for dinner tomorrow - this one an old (female) coworker. Hopefully that will turn out better than tonight!